San d’Oria. Without a doubt, it is the worst starting city the in the whole fucking game. I recently held my nose and headed back to San d’Oria to level woodworking from 47 to 50, and my visit reinforced my view. A few reasons why….
1. It has a church that nobody ever attends.
Just about every RPG in recent years has some kind of stupid religion, and San d’Oria is home to FFXI’s. I don’t know what they worship here, probably cock. Jeuno also has a church, but I like Jeuno.
2. It has Elvaans everywhere.
After Lord of the Rings was written (and probably before), elves became popular amongst the fantasy dork crowd. Everyone wanted to be an elf, because they were man-pretty and got more elf pussy than they knew what to do with. Probably. While I do like that SE made the Elvaan pretty goddamn ugly, they’re still fucking stupid. I really can't tell the difference between the Elvaan genders most of the time. Most of the really fucking retarded people I’ve encountered were Elvaan, so that doesn’t help them much either.
3. Big Gay Medieval/Fantasy Stereotype
If an RPG doesn’t have a castle, it doesn’t count as an RPG. The one has a French name, which is one strike. It’s crawling with Elvaan, and that’s two strikes. Some douche bag is in the background of my screenshot, which isn’t really the castle’s fault. The castle is fucking ugly though, and that is the castle’s fault. Strike three, baseball sucks.
4. The Mog House entrance looks like a prison gate.
If they lowered that portcullis, I would’ve been trapped in there. We all know what happens in prison…..It also happens pretty much everywhere in San d’Oria, so don’t ever /bow. Or wear a subligear.
5. Bagpipes and a snare drum do not mix with a French horn.
I don’t know who thought that shit would be a good idea for music, but they need to be shot. The French horn isn’t exactly a loud instrument, and teaming it up with the two gayest musical instruments should be a fucking crime. A snare drum is only needed before somebody dives into a pool of water from really high up. Bagpipes have always and will always be fucking gay. Anything that requires you to wear what looks like a skirt isn’t worth doing, unless you’re a tranny or something.
Just to be fair, I’ll list the good things about San d’Oria.
1. Bastokan/Windurstian Consulates.
It’s a little slice of Windurst in a sea of gayness. Only here can you escape the surrounding horror. If the woodworking guild would only move inside here, things would be much better.
2. The Airship docks.
The best thing about San d'Oria is getting the fuck out of San d’Oria. Myself, I like to “/em flips off faggy San d’Oria” right before the airship takes off. I’ve gotten a few tells from people that have gotten mad about it. Amazing how they seem to get madder when I tell them to fuck off.
On a side note: While I was talking about doing the quest to get a Quadav Barbut, Kats offered his to me. I can’t remember if he said to keep or to borrow, so if he ever wants it back, he just needs to send me a /tell. Kats once again shows why he is one of the few players I have any respect for, and the Barbut looks pretty sweet. The beastmen helms themselves are kind of disturbing, though. It’s a fucking beastman’s face you wear on your head. Damn...
3 comments:
Here-here for a fellow sandy hater. They're pretty uptight about their race, I once got vitrolant to kick me from MA because of it. Anyway, glad you like the barbut.
Lol you blog is always fun to read, and like I said before is a beacon of truth. Keep it up.
You're the faggot, go back to Bastok.
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